Lost In A Sea Of Rubble
by Risknight
Summary: Penny faces up to the reality of her life and makes a decision that will change everything and everyone around her.


**I don't own the Big Bang Theory. And I'm okay with that. I almost never cry at night anymore.**

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Sheldon looked in the mirror one last time. He had to admit, Penny had done an excellent job making his Edge Geraldine costume. The colors were an exact match, the cape was long, reaching from his shoulders to one inch off the floor. The cowl fit perfectly over the lower half of his face and the armor and boots were polished and gleaming. He felt a bit naked without his customary double shirts, instead of the breast plate he now wore. He looked at his silver hair and wondered what on earth had persuaded him to allow Penny to dye it.

He exited the bathroom and found Howard, Raj and Leonard waiting. Leonard was dressed as Cig Highwind from Final Fantasy VII. He was tugging at his scarf and gingerly holding an unlit cigarette in one hand. Raj looked at home as Irvine Kinneas. He smoothed the ponytail wig and adjusted his chaps more comfortably. Howard was adding the last piece of his Balthier costume, the crossed gold buckled belts.

A knock on the door drew everyone's attention. It opened and Bernadette stepped inside. Sheldon was even more impressed with Penny's sewing skills. She had turned Bernadette into the embodiment of Ashelia Dalmasca with the white cropped top, pink mini and gold leg guards. Amy walked in next. She was dressed as Rydia in an emerald green and gold outfit. Her hair was a light moss color in keeping with her character. She struck a pose and smiled at Sheldon. He nodded approvingly.

Lastly Stuart and Penny walked in, still discussing the width of Stuart's shoulder pad. He was dressed as Auron from the 10th installment of Final Fantasy. Sheldon was surprised by Penny. He had expected her to dress as Tifa Lockhart, companion to Leonard's Cig costume. Instead she was dressed as Rikku from FFX-2. Sheldon swallowed hard as he took in the tiny yellow bikini top and short olive green skirt. The long red and yellow scarf did nothing to hide her figure.

Leonard looked at Penny with disappointment. "We don't match," he grumbled.

Penny rolled her eyes and shrugged. "No blond girls in #7, sweetie. Besides, I like Rikku. She's a fun character."

Leonard fidgeted a bit. "If you had said something I could have been Tidus."

Penny was starting to get that look in her eye that Sheldon loved, as long as it wasn't directed at him. The _light of battle_ look which meant to back off. "Leonard, you asked for the Cig costume. You said it was one of your favorite characters. Who cares if we are from the same game?"

Leonard pouted. "Yeah, but Bernadette is from the same game as Howard, and Amy if from the same one as Sheldon. It's almost like you don't want people to know we're a couple."

Uh oh, Sheldon thought. After 6 years and two bouts of dating, how could Leonard not know he was pushing too hard? Penny's lips thinned out and her eyes narrowed. Her voice was tense as she turned to the others. "Wil is expecting us in 20 minutes. Let's get going."

The drive over to Wheaton's costume party was tense in car #1. Leonard kept looking in the rear view mirror at Penny, who was resolutely looking out the window. Amy was grumbling because she really wasn't a big fan of Wil's and was only going because Sheldon was. Sheldon was just tired. He had been feeling this way for months now. He had no energy, it seemed like. Nothing interested him much anymore. They pulled up at Wil's house and got out. Bernadette pulled up behind them and the rest of his friends joined them.

Sheldon pushed the door bell and it was opened by a Klingon. He waved them in and they made their way to the large living room. Aliens, superheroes and monsters abounded. Wil waved when he saw them and walked over.

"Hey everyone! You guys look great!" he said enthusiastically.

Amy flipped her hair back and smirked. "Yes, we do. I have to admit, I do not usually show this much skin, but I can see why Penny does. It's very liberating. I almost feel promiscuous."

Wil noticed the slight tightening around Penny's eyes at the veiled insult. He looked at Sheldon who was looking at Amy with a frown. He waved everyone into the room and smiled. "Have a drink, mingle, meet some of my guests. There's a buffet in the next room."

As they walked past him Wil lightly touched Penny's arm. When she looked at him, he gave her a soft smile of compassion. She looked startled for a second and then relaxed and smiled back. Sheldon caught the exchange and looked from one to the other in concern. They didn't notice him. Will stepped away to greet some more arrivals and Penny headed across the room. Sheldon started to follow but Amy appeared at his side again.

Xxx

An hour later, Wil noticed the door to the patio was slightly open so he stepped out to so who was in the backyard. A flash of blonde hair caught the moonlight near the pool. He stepped down to the path and ambled over. "Not enjoying the party?"

Penny smiled wryly and held up her beer. "Oh, you know me. Party girl extraordinaire."

Wil sat down on the lounge chair facing her. "Want to talk about it?"

Wil saw Sheldon, Amy, Leonard and Raj step onto the patio. He hadn't closed the door behind him. Wil almost alerted Penny. But. He had run into her a couple of times at her job and after an initial iciness over the bowling game, he had discovered she was funny and friendly. He had a soft spot for the feisty blonde. She was trapped in a life that was slowly killing her. Maybe it was time to air everything out.

Penny braced her beer on her crossed legs and shrugged. "I came to California 10 years ago. I had huge pie in the sky dreams of being a leading lady. Seeing my name in lights, star on the walk of fame, Oscars and SAG awards." She sipped her beer and laughed softly. "Instead, I'm a lowly waitress in a mustard yellow sweater. I have an apartment slightly bigger than a bread box, a drinking problem, friends who I don't understand 15% of what they say, a boyfriend who smothers me, and now my dreams consist of hoping I have enough left over after I pay my bills to put gas in my car."

"Penny, what do you want to do? Why don't you start over? You're still very young. You're beautiful, funny, bright." Penny snorted as Wil spoke. He shook his head. "Okay, so maybe you aren't as bright as your friends, but you ARE bright."

"Sometimes I wonder," she said softly.

"Wonder what?" he asked.

Penny sighed and ran a hand across her eyes. "Are they my friends? Or am I a convenience? Would Raj and Howard make an effort to keep in touch if I wasn't right across the hall from Leonard and Sheldon? A few weeks ago Bernadette and Amy were fighting. They broke my nose. They didn't care. They even laughed about it, how breaking my nose brought them closer. Leonard…oh hell. Let's be honest. For Leonard, it's sex. Either he's after it, or he's getting it. If he thought there was no chance whatsoever for sex with me again, he'd be gone in a flash."

Wil looked at her closely. "What about Sheldon? He's your friend, right?"

Penny looked up at the sky. "He doesn't need me. He has Amy now. I rarely see Sheldon anymore. You know, from June until August, I only ever saw him at work? Tuesday nights for his burger. And we rarely even spoke then. No, Sheldon isn't my friend anymore than I am his. We used to be. But I let Leonard monopolize me, and I let Amy make me feel guilty for taking up time Sheldon could spend with her instead. I started staying away, and he didn't even notice, or care. I have loved Sheldon from almost the beginning, you know. His confidence, his mind, his innocence. I love everything about him. I've always known, though, that he would never love me. So I settled for his friendship and Leonard. That's why I could never love Leonard the way he wants. I love him, as a friend, but not with my heart and soul."

Wil watched Penny wipe away a lone tear. "What keeps you tied to them, then?"

Penny downed the rest of her beer and smiled sadly. "Nothing, I guess. Which is why I'm leaving."

Wil watched her friends slip back into the house silently. He looked back at Penny.

"Are they gone, then?" she asked. He looked at her in surprise. Penny shrugged. "I could smell Sheldon's aftershave, Leonard's cologne and I heard Amy's boots."

Wil watched her shrewdly. "You knew they were there the whole time. Were you just saying those things for their benefit?"

Penny shook her head. "I meant every word. I was just never able to say it to them."

Wil took her hand in his. "You know they aren't going to be happy, right?"

Penny nodded. "Well, then they'll know how I have felt for the last year, won't they?"

Wil burst out with a genuine laugh. She really was a spitfire. He stood and held out his hand. "Come on and mingle. Let everyone see you don't give a damn about their opinions."

Penny took his hand and let him pull her up. Wil found himself enveloped in a strong hug. Penny released him and stepped back with a smile. "Thanks. For letting me talk."

They walked back into the party, heads held high.

Xxx

Almost immediately Leonard was by her side. "Penny, I want to talk to you," he said tersely.

Penny felt Wil squeeze her hand encouragingly and she squeezed back. She led Leonard across the room to the kitchen. There were fewer people in there. She turned to face Leonard, noting unemotionally that he was beyond irate. He was full on pissed.

"What the hell, Penny? You tell Wheaton you love Sheldon? You say our relationship is boring? How could you?!" She let him have his say. He had every right to blast her. She took it all. His anger, his jealousy, his vitriol. The hardest to take was his last question. "Was I just a game to you?"

Penny shook her head. "I tried, Leonard. I tried to be who you wanted. I felt I owed it to you for all the things you tried to change because you thought it would make me love you. But I don't. I don't love you, and I never will. And this relationship is beginning to kill something in both of us. I used to like myself. You used to have fun. Now we're just tired and bitter and we don't really like ourselves or each other anymore. I'm sorry I did this. I am sorry I hurt you. Mostly I am sorry I changed you. I hope you forgive me someday, but I'll understand if you don't."

Penny brushed away the tears that formed in the corners of her eyes and moved around him. She headed back into the living room. Amy was standing by the door. She had been eavesdropping.

"You can't have him," she said angrily. Unshed tears graced her eyes, too. "I love Sheldon and you can't have him!"

Penny looked at the woman she had done her best to befriend. Amy had spent 2 years calling her "bestie". There had been innumerable girl's nights. Countless get togethers. Thousands of text messages and phone calls. In all that time she had never once called Amy her "bestie". It would have been a lie.

"I'm not asking for him," Penny replied gently. "Sheldon is, and has always been, out of my reach, Amy. He cares for you more than I have ever seen him care for anyone. What I feel doesn't matter. I wish you nothing but the best, most loving relationship possible."

Amy looked at her in surprise. Penny turned and walked away without another word.

Wil met her by the door. "Need a ride?" he asked.

A hand reached out and settled on Penny's shoulder. She looked over to see Raj standing behind her. He looked at Penny with sorrow. He took a deep breath and sighed. "They are my dearest and oldest friends," he said apologetically.

Penny nodded with understanding. She smiled and cupped his cheek. "I know, sweetie. Besides, they need you more than I do. I'm the bitch in this story. We both know I have to be. If I'm not, they won't let go. They'll try to keep me around, and it will only get worse." Penny leaned in and kissed his cheek. She turned to Wil and nodded.

They stepped out the door and Wil closed it behind them. They walked across the porch and Sheldon stepped out of the shadows. Will patted Penny's arm and moved on down the steps to his car. Penny looked at Sheldon calmly.

"Why?" His voice held confusion, pain and worry. "Why now? Why here? This will destroy everything!" he yelled.

Penny closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "No, Sheldon. Everything was destroyed a long time ago. We've just been ignoring the rubble all around us. I can't live like this anymore. I'm dying inside. You have Amy now. You have your work, and your friends and a woman who loves you. You've let her change you, so you must care for her, too. Me? I'm changed, also. But not for the better. I'm sorry. I know you don't like disruption, but this is the end for me. I hurt every time Leonard touches me. I hurt every time you touch Amy. I hurt each and every day, and the only way to cure this is to end it."

Sheldon grabbed her shoulders. "I don't want you to go. You're …you mean a lot to me. You are my friend, and I want you to stay!"

Penny stepped back slowly, his hands falling away. "Goodbye, Moon Pie."

Xxx

Sheldon stood on the porch and watched her walk away. His chest was tight and he was finding it difficult to breath. The taillights from Wil's car were already gone, faded into the night when the door opened and Amy joined him. She looked around suspiciously, but relaxed when she was sure he was alone.

"Sheldon, come inside. Howard says someone named Jonathon Frakes is in the game room." Sheldon let her lead him inside.

Xxx

It was a shock, sitting there in the theater, to look up at that large screen and see her face after 3 long years. He heard Leonard, Amy, Howard, Bernadette and Raj react too. Sharply drawn breaths, gasps of recognition. Amy reached out and grabbed his arm tightly.

She was playing Jade in the new Justice League movie. Even with the short, dark hair and green skin, it wasn't hard to recognize her. Sheldon was torn between renewed anger that she was gone and joy at seeing her shine so brightly. She stole the scene for the first meeting between her and a suspicious Batman.

He had never understood her desire to act. It had always seemed frivolous to him. She had one commercial and a one night spot on a stage. Why hadn't she moved on to more practical goals when acting didn't pan out? Now he saw it. She lit up the screen. Her eyes shone with confidence.

He barely followed the plot, now. Superman, Wonder Woman and J'onn J'onzz were captured by aliens. Batman was going to rescue them, with the help of a couple of younger superheroes. His eyes sought her out in every scene. He smiled when she bantered with the Flash, teasing and chiding as they set out to rescue the rest of the JLA with Batman and Green Arrow. He cringed when he saw the spark of attraction between her and the archer. He clenched his arm rests so tightly that he heard his knuckles crack when she was stabbed in the climactic fight scene. He watched with a soft smile as she stood between Wonder Woman and Flash and was inducted into the newly formed JLA.

As the credits rolled, Amy stood and walked out of the theater. Sheldon and the guys remained in their seat, hoping for an additional scene at the end. The lights were just coming up when Amy returned. She took her seat between Leonard and Sheldon again and handed out ticket stubs.

"I want to watch her again," Amy said gently. Sheldon took the stub with relief. He turned his eyes back to the large white screen and waited for it to begin again.

Xxx

They watched her walk onto the stage with her co-stars. She was laughing at something Taylor Kitsch, the guy playing the Flash, said. The panel began and they waited impatiently for the first question.

Xxx

Penny kept the smile on her face with effort. It was only day one of Comic-con and she had spent the morning hoping for a glimpse of them. The Q&A panel was almost over. Penny reached for her water and took a sip as they waited for the next question.

"I'm getting married in two months. Would you be interested in being a bride's maid, Penny?"

Her head shot up and she found herself staring into Amy's face with shock. Murmurs spread through the crowd at not only the unusual question, but at her reaction. Under the table Taylor patted her leg comfortingly. He suspected who this was. They had become close friends on set and he was her confidant. Before she could form a reply, Leonard joined Amy and slipped an arm around his fiancé's waist.

"We'd really like it if you said yes. Especially since it was you who brought us together," he smiled.

Penny's head was spinning, and she was finding it hard to catch her breath. Amy? And Leonard?

A third person joined the group. Penny's heart thudded as she met his cerulean eyes. "I don't really have a question for the panel. Just a statement," he said. Sheldon took a deep breath and began walking toward the stage.

"You were right. It _was_ all rubble. None of us saw it. Everything we were clinging to, we did because we were stuck in a loop. We went through the motions, and stayed stagnant because it was convenient. Your leaving shook everything up. We all were forced to take a long, hard look at who we were and what we wanted. Bernadette and Howard got married. Raj and Stuart are together now, and so happy it's nauseating. Leonard and Amy discovered the love they had been searching for in each other. And me? I lost the one person that meant everything to me."

Penny hadn't even noticed she was standing until Sheldon walked up the steps and moved behind the tables. Taylor waved security back and gave her a gentle push toward Sheldon.

Sheldon stopped just a couple of inches from her. He reached out and tenderly cupped her cheek. "You left us so everyone could start over, so you could start over. I'm the only one who hasn't found that second chance yet. I want my second chance. I want to start over. I love you, Penny."

Cameras went wild as Penny flung her arms around Sheldon and kissed him fiercely. In only minutes the web was host to hundreds of images of Sheldon wrapping his arms tightly around Penny. Captions ranged from **Jade and her fan boy** to **The geek gets the girl!** (That one was courtesy of Howard.)

By morning the story was all over every entertainment and comic book site. Some thought it was a publicity stunt, others thought it was the most romantic thing they ever saw. The one thing everyone could agree on, though, was that none of them were surprised eight months later, when on set photos for the JLA sequel showed the tall scientist scribbling away on a white board while Penny rehearsed scenes with her co-stars nearby.

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** I took a few liberties with the JLA stuff. I make no apologies, this is fiction. Jade is one of my favorite DC characters, so I went with her instead of Black Canary, like my hubby wanted. I love the thought of Taylor Kitsch playing the fastest man alive. Rene, my dear friend, I now return your cape to you with a heartfelt thanks for letting Sheldon use it in the beginning.**


End file.
